Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Words Don't Come Easy...

I'm not good at this. Not good in imparting comforting words for the sick or the dying. I do the consoling in my heart hoping the sick or the dying will pluck my thoughts out of my head and understand my concern. It is not them that I fear most for having to endure the pain; it is me.... because ... I had seen the miserable looks of a very sick boy. I wish and I wish and I wish....and how I wish.... I could turn back the clock - to the day when he complained of agonizingly painful sensation around his neck. He was already nineteen, well-built and shouldn't be seen nagging about his 'sore-throat'.... that was what I thought. The most I could tell him was, when it was time for breaking fast in one Ramadan day 2002, to 'drink a lot of water and take some painkiller'. Easy as that. And when his nose bled not with runny blood but congealed dark red blood, that was the sign we did not expect what illness he was to contract.

About a few weeks after Hari Raya that year, we were distraught  when we found out our sister's eldest son was down with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and was at stage four. I repeat, he was only nineteen. But all hopes were not lost. Still, it was wee too late for my sister's family... Allah loves him more. He succumbed to the deadly but otherwise curable disease on a Thursday night of July 31st 2003.
He was gone. The quiet and obedient boy we all loved to tease for being too attached to his mother, was gone! All of us, especially his 'bosom' cousins were devastated but accepted his loss as ineluctable fate.

I write this piece as a spin-off from my niece, Nadea's posting a few days ago about her missing her brother. Reading her entry brought tears to all of her caring aunts and cousins and mostly her mother, Kak Lina. I heard she cried buckets.
She usually does... oopps...sorry...

If only I could be wise with words, I would have said to my late nephew, Aizal Marzuki, " Bertahan ye...kita pergi hospital" instead of that regretful, " minum air banyak-banyak lepas berbuka..."

10 comments:

N A D E A said...

haiyaaa ateh...
xsuke dah nk bace post neh byk3 kali...uhuuhuu..
suke buat org nanges...
T__T

pakmat said...

..salam lili..
it is the way things are meant to be..there's nothing we can do about it..except give our thanks to Him..for we know not what He knows..

Ateh said...

Nad.... bese ler.... kena beringat dan teringat!
Sebenornye nak tulis pasal arwah Ami, tapi nak tunggu Umai bagi gambo mak dia deh...

Congrats ye... exam dah lepas!

Lili said...

Salam Pakmat...

Well, we all get there sometimes... reminiscing the loved ones who had left earlier on... to offer our prayers, to remind ourselves of our 'time' too, and ponder if we are able to make a difference. Only Allah knows...

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

SALAM HETA, do not make me cry la...

Oldstock said...

Lili,

Sorry to read about your nephew. It's okay to look back at events that has passed but we should not brood over it too much.

What is important now is that we know how to react better when faced with a similar situation in future.

Lili said...

Salam Oldstock,

You know what? Having read your lasted posting about your friend, Yos, was the reason I wrote this piece. I thought it was so easy for other people to extend their well wishes for your friend's speedy recovery, when I struggled for one. I wish I could say something too. (I did anyway, but in my silent way).

Thanks for your support in kindling my inability to handle such situation in future.

Lili said...

Oldstock...

In my haste, I wrote 'lasted' when it should be 'latest'!
(your latest posting).. adeh... typo sesajor hari ni!

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Ateh, it is always very sad to see or experience suffering in this World....but I guess The MAN up there knows what and why we have to go. Only HE knows.

I have a very close friend, in the prime of his life....and last year was diagnosed with cancer....he has been told he will not see the next X'mas.
But even though he knows he's making that journey, he's very positive, boleh joke and laugh....says he'll be waiting to greet me when my time comes. Love his humour.

To your late nephew, .......
What though the radiance which was once so bright,
Be now forever taken from my sight.
Though nothing can bring back the hour,
Of Splendour in the grass.....
Of Glory in the flowers,
We will grieve not.
Rather find strength in what remains behind.

You keep well Ateh and have a pleasant week, Lee.

Lili said...

Hello again Uncle Lee...

Thanks for your kind words. This one episode was part of our family's tragedy that we had to accept for God knows what's in store for all of us. We were dealt with the passing of a wonderful elder sister, followed some eight years later, her husband, who was brutally slain in his own house; (and to think he was a police personnel...tsk tsk tsk - made headlines in the media, you know), and then the passing of this nephew... followed a year later by my dear father... well, they were too much, but like you said, He only knows what and why.

Thanks again for visiting. And you, do take care too...