Saturday, April 14, 2012

After All These Years...

Today, many years ago, marked a new chapter in my life. I got married...hiks!

Alhamdulillah...I never thought I could make it this far. I know, I have not been the wife he expected me to be although many times, without asking, he seems to read my mind and tell me that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. I laugh to that a lot! And I still laugh (but believe in him, anyway!) when he says I am beautiful, and goodness, even when I'm a mess at times. He compliments me not when I look exquisite from the moment I step out of my room with my casual attire of blouse and jeans, and hair all tied back in a pony tail. But it had to be that moment when I'm caught off-guard especially when he finds me poring over a book, or writing this blog...hikhikhik..when the messy me is so obvious with my hair flying everywhere to the fan's movement; and the disheveled me is suddenly far interesting than the immaculate one! 

But...I hurt him a lot.
Looking back, I can't help but wishing things would be different then. At least for me. He, I think, is happy to be married to someone he pursued so hard. That someone is still me.

Happy Anniversary to myself and my other half ;-)

Monday, April 9, 2012

Ramblings...

Hi guys! I'm back again but don't know how long I'd stay... 

Almost every weekends saw me attending weddings and assisting in overseeing the smooth sailing of a few ones. This has been going on since early of the year. Yesterday, and the past three days, was no exception especially when it was a third cousin's - distant but close enough - wedding. All week long I shuttled from my house to my aunt's helping in whenever possible. And today I can sit back and relax and doing things I love doing like writing again..hiks

This not-so-quiet afternoon - well, parts of the house is under renovation...and with the banging and drilling of the walls could drive me insane for awhile...hehe - I find myself a little bit emotional (yeah right, like I'm not always there!) when I realise I had forgotten that one important date last week when I was really busy. Maybe the date escape me but the thoughts has never left me...everyday. May Allah bless Bapak's soul and place him amongst the righteous. There are days when I long for his consoling words when my world is falling apart. The same old line plays inside my head..."if only Bapak was here..." . And today it has to be..." I feel like crying..if only Bapak was here..I'd turn to him and bother him with my nagging headache.." Yes, the smallest of things even, has to be reported to Bapak!  I could almost hear Bapak says, " Laa...ingatkan apa...But ok..I'm coming now...". Like the old days, he used to put up for a few nights at my house whenever I complained about being sick and that I was sad for nothing. That was the least he could do for us...all four girls of his. Still his babies even though we have families of our own. And when we lost kak Nyah, he was the most affected. The daughter he loved so much was gone and many times on kak Nyah funeral, he whispered in her ears as if she heard him: tunggu Bapak di sana...   
Al-Fatihah to both of them.

Oh, did I digress? I hope not. Oh, really...I am sorry, I have been rambling again. But I miss Bapak so much.

Please excuse me, guys..while I cry...